Join a club. Start a new video game. Go for long runs. You cannot break the neural pathway of "her face = dopamine" if you see her every day.
The shift happened in May of 2021. We were in their backyard. My friend had gone inside to take a call, and she sat down next to me on the wooden swing. The sun was setting, casting everything in gold. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and asked, "Are you eating enough? You look thin." my first love is my friends mom 2021
I wrote a 3,000-word letter. I described her laugh, her cooking, the way she said my name. Then I burned it. That act alone released 60% of the pain. Join a club
She was in her early 40s. She had laugh lines around her eyes and always smelled like vanilla and coffee. Unlike the girls my age, who were still figuring out their confidence, she moved through the world with a quiet certainty. She remembered my birthday. She asked about my anxiety before my math final. She hugged me a little longer than my own mother did. You cannot break the neural pathway of "her
Seriously. Put the phone down. It will not be like the movies. It will be awkward, devastating, and you will lose your best friend.
Then the guilt hit. This was my friend's mother. My friend, who trusted me to sleep in his guest room. My friend, who had no idea I was mentally undressing his mom with my eyes every time she bent over to get a pan from the low cupboard.
I almost said it. "I think I love you."